Plan B is the new Plan A
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
