just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
