So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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