question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
