im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
