And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
