Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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