its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
