last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
