I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
