my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
