go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
foreskin is a definite game changer
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
