Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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