dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
as a side note pls kill me
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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