Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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