Tell her she can't have a vagina
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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