that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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