I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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