did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
