Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
