We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
