Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
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