census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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