And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I look better un-naked...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
