Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
