I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
