Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
