yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
