Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
And then my night got REAL pukey
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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