What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
