:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize