am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize