I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
