Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
