she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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