Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
