my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
