I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
