i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
