Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
