I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
