my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
