I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
