My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
