You made me cry and you don't even care
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
