just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
