We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
