it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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