I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
