Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
