At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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