ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
