guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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