How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
