dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
