Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
