Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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