Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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