in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
