blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
