she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
