I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
