It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize