Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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