Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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